Last Saturday my friend Ava, who lives in the middle of the village, right near the Nick & Toni restaurant and about 2 blocks from the police station was awakened by some noise in the middle of the night.

Turns out it was an idiot burglar who, despite the fact that the porch light was on, the car was in the driveway suggesting to anybody with a brain that people were home, decided nevertheless to try his luck.

When my friend, awakened by her dog’s growling, startled to see a stranger near her bed, screamed  “Who the f… are you?” Precious the pooch got the message that this was not an expected visitor and proceeded to attack the intruder thus chasing him out of the house.

 And here is a picture of our little hero: Precious Watkins!

Good dog!

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As you know, this website has been around since the year of the flood – well, in internet time.

Therefore, I have finally decided to undertake the inevitable - upgrade this mess of hodge podge content into a more streamlined and functional website. I have been dreading this day for several years and would have really preferred to have root canal for a month than tackle a site with over 2,000 pages, pictures, scripts, tools, etc.

But it has to be done. So until it’s ready, some functions that use email have been disabled. I sincerely apologize for this incovenience but as you can guess, this is a very time consuming undertaking and as you can see – this is a public service – funded entirely by yours truly – so there is no army of programmers running around doing code. It’s just moi.  

But I also have a real business which you are welcome to check out. And what a surprise – it’s web design!

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Every night I put out food for the neighbor’s cats, Baxter and Tigger, that’s when they’re not actually in my house hiding in a closet.But I noticed that even when my neighbor is away, with the cats, the food gets devoured overnight. I finally caught the culprit – well, at least on camera.

It’s Ricki Raccoon. (Click the image to enlarge) 

Isn’t he adorable? (Maybe it’s a she, can’t really tell the difference)

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I’m really kind of bored at the moment. I don’t know why – I’m in a funk.

The only lively thing that happened since Labor Day is that I got a new pet – his name is Igor and he lives inside my deck umbrella. Here is a picture of Igor.

In case you haven’t figured it out – it’s a bat. A baby bat. (Click the image to enlarge it)

I can hear the cries of disgust which is really very sad. These poor little creatures have been maligned by idiots in Hollywood. In fact, bats are very cute and really useful especially to people like me who are dangerously allergic to mosquito bites. I get boils that look like the bubonic plague. Every summer I end up in an emergency room for treatment.

This summer I had NOT ONE mosquito bite. Couldn’t figure out why. Now I know – it’s darling little Igor whose favorite dish is mosquitos – au naturel.

And this is most strange. A few years ago I bought a Bat Condo and hung it up according to the instructions from the Bat Conservation Society (http://www.batcon.org/) – it houses 65 bats. Not one critter ever came even though I painted a bat on it and a welcome sign. Maybe they don’t read English?

Anyway, Igor seems to like my green umbrella so as long as he stays here, I’m happy.

A few years ago someone sent me an email asking me where she could “buy fireflies to eat the mosquitoes” at her rental house in Amagansett!  Fireflies? Forget it - get bats!

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I’m eating my way through East Hampton these days.

Another favorite restaurant is Fresno -  near the railroad tracks. Went there last night with my friend Ava. Really nice – and charming outdoor patio dining.

Finally, another lively place that I love is the Blue Parrot in that little alley off the main parking lot. The margaritas are quite lethal – but then anything with alcohol is lethal to me -  I’m a cheap date.

But the Blue Parrot really is a great place to hang out – good cheap food – great staff and service – and most definitely a zoo on weekends with revelers spilling into the alleys. It’s the first place I go to when I get off the Jitney coming from the city – great for a little attitude adjustment.

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The secret is out: the liveliest evenings are in Sag Harbor!

 The streets are throbbing with young, sexy creatures. The restaurants are overflowing into the streets, especially on Main Street – it’s a constant party.

The most beautiful restaurant in a spectacular setting – right on the marina, is B.Smith. The food and service are not exactly anything to write home about but the setting is gorgeous, the patio on the water with a view of all those mammoth yachts – the sunset – lots of drinnking and merrymaking.

And the BEST shopping is a vintage store right before the restaurant on Long Wharf – AROUND AGAIN - I hang out there all the time – got a fabulous Armani jacket for $50, a sexy white crochet skirt for $45, and bronze leather sandals for $15 ! How can you go wrong with such prices? And I noticed some jewelry last week so I have to go back and check them out. I had to leave the store because my husband was giving me the furry eyeball – you know that look before they turn green with nausea when you take out your wallet.

But I have a confession to make – since I used to work for Hermes in New York and Paris – I have a collection of Hermes stuff that is exploding out of my closets. So I took a lot of the stuff in to the vintage store – jackets, skirts, handbags, jewelry, and yes, scarves and ties. And since the Hermes store in New York used to be next to Chanel, I indulged a little more than I should have with that illustrious neighbor as well so that’s the next batch that’s going to Around Again.

But there are other great stores on the main strip – cheap and funky – and lots of bars and restaurants so unlike East Hampton, which is deader than a door nail at night, Sag Harbor is a zoo.  Speaking of East Hampton, did you see those ridiculous stores in the stores - PLEEEZE !  I went in the other day to buy a pair of flip flops that were displayed in a big basket – so you know – looked like basket of flip-flops. I picked up a pair and looked at the price – $125 ! For flip flops ?????

I guess they think that all tourists are suckers – well maybe they are. But I’m here to tell you – do not be a sucker – go to Sag Harbor and indulge all your whims – food, shopping and meeting other people.

My only regret is that the wonderful theater in Sag Harbor – Bay Street Theater – is not well attended by young people. The plays there are fabulous – usually end up on Broadway - and always with big stars – you know some of our local celebrities like Alan Alda, Ben Gazzara, Tony Roberts, Alec Baldwin, etc.

Yes, every time I go, I take an inventory of how many people under 60 are there … I can usually count them on one hand. So get with it you young whipper-snappers out there and come to the theater – you’ll not only see tons of celebrities but a little culture doesn’t hurt either. It goes well with mojitos

Well, that’s it for now. But one more tip – at the end of August there is a FANTASTIC shoe sale at the veterans hall in Amagansett – thousands of shoes and boots from The Shoe Inn – every brand you can think of – about 60% – 80% off. I’ll let you know when it’s on – check the calendar. (Another confession: I bought 3 pairs of boots at their last sale, $50 each, and had to hide them from my husband so I put them in empty kitty litter bags.

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Had dinner at The Laundry last night – this is still the best in East Hampton. And what a zoo – had to park on a spit of sand – the parking lot was jammed.

I had a sudden “spare rib attack” and just had to have my rib fix. With French Fries and sauteed spinach, s’il vous plait, and a glass of Merlot.  Yum. 

The thing I didn’t count on was the entertainment – the couple on the other side of our windowed wall was engaged in an activity that looked suspiciously like sex. I woulnd’t know any more because I haven’t done it in a restaurant in a long time. But from the looks of everyone’s raised eyebrows and ear to ear grins in the room, I would say, yup, must have been sex.  And this couple was also a bit long in the tooth – if you know what I mean. So, Bravo!

 A good time was had by all.

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Drove to New York City around 11 PM tonight (after The Sopranos) and could not believe the wild life on the side of the road. We counted 32 Bambis from Route 27, through Route 11, up to Exit 67 on the LIE.

This is a new record – the last count was 30 and only on Route 27. This time there were deer on Route 11 and even on the highway – and DANGEROUSLY close to the road – some were right on the shoulder though I can’t imagine what they could graze on asphalt.

So PLEASE be careful driving at night! They seem to have become rather bold.

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Here is a little insight in how this website works.

Since we launched, in 1995, the most popular sections – bar none – have been those dealing with transportation to East Hampton and Hotels. About 90% of the traffic goes there.

So it is little wonder that the Most Popular links in the DIRECTORY are hotels. That’s what people click – hotel listings.

And so it was until last week.

In fact, here is a screen capture of what this list looked like on March 11, 2006 before I deleted it.

These clicks were registered between February 11, 2006 and March 11, 2006. Not exactly the height of the season, so getting over 200 visitors to your website in the dead of winter is not too shabby.

But, you ask, why is the East Hampton Arts Council #1 on the list with only 44 clicks when all the other listings have more than 3 to 4 times as many clicks?

Aha! That is precisely the clue!

They did something that cost them ZERO $$$$ – just 2 seconds of typing!

Want to know what that is?

Send me an email.

Watch the current list as it develops – and don’t delude yourself that the popular links list is suddenly an indication of a new trend – cultural or civic – Ha ha ha! Nothing of the sort. People are still looking for a bed first! You just don’t see it anymore because some listings figured out how to promote themselves.

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Every few weeks, there is a flury of viruses sent out from NON-EXISTANT easthampton.com email addresses.

Here is the last one I received today:

Dear Easthampton Member,

Your e-mail account was used to send a huge amount of unsolicited spam messages during the recent week. If you could please take 5-10 minutes out of your online experience and confirm the attached document so you will not run into any future problems with the online service.

If you choose to ignore our request, you leave us no choice but to cancel your membership.

Virtually yours,
The Easthampton Support Team

Don’t be fooled by this kind of email – it comes with a virus attachment. The email originates from a server in Korea.

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